Mensa, a platter of bullshit

When I was a kid I used to hang out at my dad’s office after school. He was a clinical psychologist so he had all sorts of cool stuff laying around to play with. I remember seeing these tests laying around with pictures of squares and triangles and numbers and such; an “IQ” test. He worked with Special Ed folks and regularly had to assess their intelligence level.

A few years ago I thought about those tests and wondered how somebody that does not speak English and has never been to school would be tested. My extreme example was a 11 year old girl living with her grandfather on a farm high in the mountains of Lapland. This girl has never seen or talked to anyone except her grandfather. She’s never seen a book, pictures of shapes, language, machinery, social awareness, nothing. She also has an IQ well in above genius.
How would you test such a person? I thought if I could sit down with a dozen typical Mensa questions that I might be able to figure out a way to test her.
Well, I wrote MENSA, which is this obnoxious organization that consists of insecure people who are in the top 2 percentile of the country in IQ. I asked for a handful of example test questions, and also posed the Lapland girl example.

Dear Phil,
Mensa tests are private and so no, I am not going to send you any example questions.
And regarding your “Lapland girl” example, we have special tests for these situations, and no, I am not going to send you any examples of that test either. If you are interested in being tested for Mensa, please send in the fee and schedule a test.
Regards,
Mr. (soon to be “asshole”) Mensa.

Wow, is this guy friendly or what? I can just envision him sitting there with a smirk on his face puffing a pipe while writing me. I’d pay big money to witness her eat him alive.

My response:
Mr. Mensa,
I was not aware that you are fluent with both the Lapland culture and Sami (Lapland language)? If I pay the fee, can I take this test?
Rude boy never replied.

My friend Rick is a farmboy from Nebraska who went to a one-room schoolhouse and grew up chasing clouds for fun. He’s also one of the smartest and humble people I know. He went to a Mensa meeting because out friend Bobby goes and says they have free beer. Rick took the test and missed being accepted by one question. He later found out that guessing was legal. He left many answers blank because he was not certain of the answer. Clearly he is well into Mensa territory. I asked his opinion of the folks at the meeting. “Well, they are pretty impressed with themselves, that’s for sure. I thought they were kind of boring and loud, but the beer helped smooth out the meeting.
I asked him if he was going to take the test again. “nah, me and Bobby can drink cheap beer lots of places were we don’t have to put up with those people.

The sad part about all of this is that many Mensa members are good people but in my opinion, they are so insecure that they need this nonsense to feel like they can be better than regular people. Maybe I should storm a meeting, point a bazooka at rude boy’s head and yell “Run for your lives while there’s still time!!!!”.
I find the most enjoyable people to be around are those humble folks who quietly listen in group conversations, ask questions, and never talk about themselves. This is the finest example of a secure person.