Tickfaw Louisiana-
A project effort from leading scientists from LSU and Tulane Universities have discovered possibly the most important fossil remains of homoredneckus, the south Louisiana redneck. The find was accidentally discovered by Troy "T Bo" Skallens while pulling the straight six engine from his 1967 Buick. "The damn hoist snapped right when the motor was up in the air and the whole shootin' match dropped down in the mud. I had to dig a pit around it in order to run the hoist chain underneath and when ol' Cletus stuck his shovel in the mud, he hit something that went kinda "crunch". We got an hold post hole digger and commenced to gettin' all that mud out and damned if we didn't see this skeleton lookin' thing. I gotta buddy that does drywall work down at the college (LSU -ed) and asked him to get one of those science guys to come take a look. Shit, he was here faster than a bulldog in heat." Scientist Mathew Salmon comments; "I received a phone call from an old acquantiest describing a skeleton he found and it sure sounded like the missing link we have been searching for for decades. Could it be homorednecknus, the link between apes and rednecks? I was so excited i wet my pants. Well, I changed and rushed to the scene. It was hard to find because the road signs on all those gravel roads out there are full of bullet holes, and from my amateur forensics, i would say a 12 gauge loaded with #2 shot. I made it to the scene, located which car in Mr. Scallen's front yard had the dig, and almost wept when I saw the find." Salmon called the archaeological team at LSU and organized the extraction process, moving the skeleton into a temporary sealed tent enclosure similar to the one used on the movie "ET". Upon closer study it became apparent that these remains are indeed the link they have been looking for. Careful examination shows the mullet style haircut, poor posture, and excessively long fingernails so common among modern day rednecks. But Salmon is quick to point out characteristics that cloud the issue. "It appears that all teeth are intact and appear in good shape, a definite departure from the modern homoredneckus. Additionally, there does not appear to be any bullet holes caused from accidental shotgun misfires in the feet or lower limbs". Still, Salmon is convinced that there is no question to the authenticity of these remains.
"Leap of faith"
There has been a frenzy of activity among the rednecks who claim that they can see an image of Jeff Gordon, famous NASCA driver, in the skeleton (see image above). "This is where science crosses over to myth, and is utterly ridiculous", says Salmon. "In order to keep riots from occurring, we plan to prove this as a scam, not unlike that "Shroud of Turin" nonsense. Still, the rednecks are convinced in their belief. "Shit, Jeff is the greatest ever, and we ain't nuts or blind. Look your self!". Rednecks from six southern states have assembled in Tickfaw demanding to see the skeleton first hand. "It was rough" says State Trooper Ernie Trout, "So far, we have confiscated over 700 shotguns and 2,000 knives of various length".
"Leap of faith"
There has been a frenzy of activity among the rednecks who claim that they can see an image of Jeff Gordon, famous NASCA driver, in the skeleton (see image above). "This is where science crosses over to myth, and is utterly ridiculous", says Salmon. "In order to keep riots from occurring, we plan to prove this as a scam, not unlike that "Shroud of Turin" nonsense. Still, the rednecks are convinced in their belief. "Shit, Jeff is the greatest ever, and we ain't nuts or blind. Look your self!". Rednecks from six southern states have assembled in Tickfaw demanding to see the skeleton first hand. "It was rough" says State Trooper Ernie Trout, "So far, we have confiscated over 700 shotguns and 2,000 knives of various length".
The skeleton, "Bubba" has been moved to Washington DC for further examination
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