Some Technological "Advancements"

My friend Jeff likes to quote a famous saying from back in the early days of the computer frenzy.  "Computers are going to improve our efficiency and we will have much more free time".   People now spend most of their waking life (and ALL of their free time) in front of a computer.  By the way, Jeff is a pilot and flies one of those "aerobatic" airplanes, the ones you see at airshows that are spinning around in all sorts of ridiculous ways in an apparent attempt to rip the wings off a perfectly good aircraft.  Jeff took me up one time for some "fun", in a Cessna 152 Aerobat.  These old Cessna planes are small, rickety, underpowered, and annoying to ride in, much less have to drive.  So anyway, we get up in in the air and jeff starts all that violent maneuver nonsense, and of course i start feeling sick right away.  I find the experience akin to closing yourself up in a small closet and then  slinging yourself against the walls in violent and random fashion, upside down, after taking ipecac (drug that induces nausea).  Jeff starts doing these things called "lazy eights", and then the "Hurl Guarantee" move, a "negative G pushover".  There went lunch, right out the window.  When we landed i had to clean the spew off the side of the plane with some ditch water and a greasy rag.

Doesn't that all sound like fun?  It's as bad as parachuting, no, I think worse.  A big mystery is why these high performance (and very expensive) aerobatic airplanes have propellers.    Pretty lame compared to a plane with a real powerplant, a JET ENGINE.  You wanna have some fun and get some attention?  Come in 20 feet off the deck at 400 knots with a jet in full afterburner.  THAT, my friends, is real fun and entertainment.    

(Left: Cesna 150, shame of the aviation community,  Right: F15 Eagle, a real aircraft)

A final note, my friend Jeff is a really good aerobatic pilot.  He won first place at the US National Championships as well as lots of other prizes.  He's also a safe pilot, I would fly with him anytime (as long as the wings stay level to the ground haha).

Technological Advancement #1, the Food Processor

Left, 1950s food processor, Right 2000 food processor.

My 1950s food processor has a handle, 3 blades, and one moving part.  It is fast, easy to use, and cleans up in about 10 seconds.

The 2000 processor consists of about 20 parts that must be all 1)dragged out of the bottom of the cabinet, piled on the  counter, assembled, and plugged in before it is of any use whatsoever. After chopping up 3 onions, you then have to dissasemnble it, put all the pieces in the dishwasher, and put the motor part back under the cabinet.  Also, since you the motor base is electric you cannott wash it, so oer time it starts getting all sorts of disgusting crud built up in the cracks and crevices.  After the dishwasher finishes you unload the parts and put them back in the cabinet.  After a couple of years you go buy a new one because they are designed to have short lives (which is a necessary thing in order to keep consumerism, the cornerstone of our country, alive).

#2 - the mobile phone.

Prior to this lovely device, you only had to endure the pain of talking on the phone when you were home and felt like it.  Now you are able to enjoy this agony 24 hours a day, no matter where you go, it follows you.  Visits to the doctor's office used to mean an escape, nobody could find you, and you could relax in the waiting room.  no more.  Nobdy seems to understand the rule "Just because it rings does not mean you have to answer it".  People grab for their phones like it was on fire.  A person could be doing CPR on you and if their phone rang, they'd drop you like a hot potoato "just a sec, i really need to get this".  Whoever invented the cell phone should be quartered and drawn, keelhauled, chopped up and fed to the rats.

#3 the riding lawnmower.

FOlks used to have to push a small mower for hours to get their grass cut.  they would expend a couple of thousand calories in the process as well as toning up those muscles.  We now sit our fat asses on a riding mower and then go inside and write a check to the local gym for $60 a month so we can go work out to expend calories and tone up muscles.

#4  The Moden Plastic Vacuum Cleaner

As a kid i remember my grandmother "vacuuming" the rugs in her house.  Her vacuum was basically a box thing that was on the floor and a handle.  The box had two of those brush rollers just like modern ones have, but they were mechanically driven with gears or something.  As you pushed the thing, the rollers worked against each other and forced the brushes against the carpet, picking up all the crud in the rug.  It was tough to push because you were using your body strength to drive the rollers instead of a motor.  Every couple of minutes you would empty the box into a trash can.  Her rugs always looked and smelled clean.  Oh, and it worked quite well before electricity was run to their farm house.  I think she must have used it for 40 years.

Today, vacuums are made of extraordinarly cheap plastic and now they look like rocket ships (i.e. "dyson" see above left photo).  They have lame underpowered motors that last about a year or two.  The handles, hinges, bolting points and such are all plastic and are designed to break a day after the warranty expires.  AFter a few months of use, the plastic pieces dont fit together so well and if you bump the vacuum while running, you can see little clouds of dust escaping.  hepa filter shmepa filter.  its BS marketing.

After a few minutes of marginally effective vacuuming, you write the check to the gym to get the exercise that you did not get pushing a real vacuum device.

I will say that the first electric vacs were pretty well built.  They were all metal, and built like tanks.  And unlike the garbage you buy now at walmart, these units were designed to be serviced and repaired.  My 92 year old neighbor Naomi put her 1950s Royal out at the curb because it quit working.  I grabbed it and popped it up on my bench.  After a minute or two of dissasembly, i found the problem, the motor bearing just needed some grease.  I added grease, reassembled, and turned it on.  It worked perfectly.  I brought it back to Naomi and she was so happy that she baked me a sour cream apple pie, which is possibly the best desert I have ever had.  I am going to ask her to add me to her will (for the royal). I bet it will last me 30 more years.