The late middle age "hip" guy
These guys are so easy to spot it's not every funny. Guys in their mid to late 50s get this idea that gowing out that ring of gray hair around their head into a pony tail looks hip. Unfortunately it doesn't stop there. They also grow a gray beard. They have only one type of pants; short khaki cargo. Add a pair of leather sandals, a Hawaiian shirt, earring and a fanny pack, and you have a trainwreck of an outfit. Sunglasses are common, and not those currently hot square frame coffee shop hipster syle, but old cheesy 70's type.
College freshmen girls and their piercing.
Just a quick note to say that college girls are sprouting face piercings like a new crop of ragweed. in the cheek, lips, nose, evey square inch of the ears, eyebrows, and so on.
Short Pants and Swimming Pants
Folks, let's get something straight right now, it is stupid to call short pants "shorts". The word "short" is an adjective like "red". You would never say "Reds" unless you were talking about illegal barbiturates. If somebody tells you to go put on some shorts, you need to ask them "short what? Short shoes?, a short tie? what?".
And what about swimming pants? These are short pants made of disgusting nylon material that men wear when swimming in the water. Now, girls are not included in this discussion because they wear cute/sexy swimsuits (NOT "bathing suit", you idiot). So anyway, somehow men's swimming pants became referred to as "trunks". That is the stupidest ass name possible. A trunk is an appendage on an elephant, a type of luggage, or the rear compartment on a car. If somebody asks you if you are going to wear trunks, just tell that moron "No, I did not have time to have an elephant's front appendage grafted on".
So there you have it, short pants and swimming pants. Don't call them shorts or trunks around me unless you want a knife in your head.
Rules for skirt/dresses and heel height
I was asked one time what maximum heel height can be worn given a particular dress and not look like a bimbo (on the high side) or a pasta making naturalist (on the low side).
Worry no more girls, here it is. I would print this out and tape to your closet door for easy reference
This data was determined empirically, but can be derived by a simple 5th order polynomial:
heel height = -0.0241x5 + 0.3752x4 - 2.1237x3 + 5.726x2 - 3.6716x + 12.149
where x = dress length.
A third variable would be how tall you are. If you are over 5'10", subtract and inch and a half from he above values.
Slaps ("flip flops")
This information is already availabe on my entry on those vile things known as "Crocs", but I've reprinted it here because it is such an important part of the the fashion nightmare of today
--I don't know about the rest of the country, but here in Austin, slaps ("flip flops") rule. People, espcially hippies and girls aged 10 to 30, wear them 24 hours a day. What I find most amusing is to see girls out at night who have spent hours on their hair and make up and are wearing a stunning black dress, waddling around in slaps. Oh! but they are sooooo cuuute!!! look at the little diamonds on the black rubber thing! Girls; your attempt to be cute has just undone all that you just did to look nice. I once saw a group of high school kids that were on their way to the prom. The guys were all in tuxedos and looked fantastic. The girls were all waddling along in slaps. I felt bad for the guys, but at their age, they were just happy to be near a real breathing female.
I just don't get it; you spend an hour painting your toenails, and then walk around all night downtown on filthy streets so when you get home your fee are all dusty and dirty and stink like beer gutters that you have had to step through at every corner.
No comments:
Post a Comment