Fig 1. Manko shark and bucket of Chum
Let's face it folks, some of those excursions are pretty lame and way overpriced, right? Well, I found some that are worth the money and time.
Twelve hour bus ride to hell. - $110
A 12 hour roundtrip journey in a lovely spacious bus to an exciting destination!
You will be treated to hours of barren landscape allowing you to relax your mind and not have to concentrate on too much. You will be served a delicious pimento cheese sandwich (complete with chips and a drink!) for lunch. The final destination will be announced on the way there.
Lime carving contest - $55
Grab your knife and line up for this exciting contest!
Each person on this exciting excursion will be provided 3 limes and a knife. The goal is to carve the cutest face in each of the limes within the time limit of 2 hours. At the end of the carving period, judges will meet for an hour and then announce the exciting results!!!
And don’t you think all that hard work will go unrewarded, the top 3 finishers each get a coupon for 50% off on a bottle of genuine Jamaican rum!
Chumming for sharks - $90
I don’t know about you, but ever since I saw “Jaws”, I’ve always wanted to get on a small boat and throw fish guts in the water and watch the ensuing excitement. Well folks, wait no more, thanks to some hard work by our staff, we have been able to arrange a shark feeding adventure in the open sea! Each of you will be provided one bucket of chum and a waterproof camera. In order to keep the shark frenzy to a minimum, we will have one person at a time throw out their chum. This also allows everyone to get lots of exciting photographs. To make this excursion as real as possible, our captain has arranged for a boat that looks the same and is in the same shape as the boat used in Jaws.
And don’t worry parents, you won’t have to shoot an oxygen tank shoved in a sharks mouth to protect your kids, haha!!
Unassisted Tree climbing $12 (Death or Dismemberment waiver required)
This excursion is not for those with mental or physical disabilities! We will wander deep into the tropical jungle (guide provided, but tips are essential) and find the tallest tree we can. This is when the excitement begins! You yuppie athletes with your $400 treking clothes on will now be able to prove how tough you are when not driving your minivan around suburbia! Each person will be provided a set of “climbing spikes” which are special boots that telephone repairmen use when they need to climb. These boots have razor sharp spikes attached to them that you jab into the wood giving you exceptional stability during your ascent. A safety line will be hauled up by the first climber (chosen by vote) and attached at the top of the tree. All climbers from there out will be able to climb in comfort knowing that their fall will be arrested prior to ground contact.
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