Eating Extremes with brief commentary on Wrestling

Here are two of my favorite eating experiences ever:

1. Four BBQ sandwiches and a Barq's root beer from "Hi Ho BarBQue" in Hammond louisiana. Total price : $9.50

2. Some sort of vegetarian dish served at the Prague Castle in Prague, Czech Republic. Total price: $400.00

Now frankly, this disturbs me. Hi Ho sandwiches are so good that I only stop at 4 because any more than that and my arteries start snapping shut and I pass out. On a quick aside, let me say that my brother robert once ate ELEVEN "chili buns", which is a hamburger bun with hot dog chili in it. He had a contest with my friend Randall on who could eat the most chilibuns. Now, you might think this is a rather disgusting type of activity to do in public, but when you are at live "Professional Wrestling" in Loranger Louisiana, this type of contest is well received.

They got five each and quickly inhaled those, returning for another five. Randall started slowing after his 8th, and finally threw in the towel, leaving one on the plate. Robert ate all 10 of his and after declaring victory, went ahead and ate Randall's leftover, for a grand total of eleven. It's easy to see why I idolized my brother back then (I still do). Oh, I think that night the main event was "The Spoiler" vs. "Bruiser Bob Sweetan", who was the reigning Brass Knucks Champion.

But lets get back to the subject of the blog:

Let me quickly snuff out any notions you might have that I am some sort of secret agent type wandering the world wearing tuxedo suits and eating in castles. In stark contrast, I work for a couple of very good friends of mine who do conferencing in Europe. I help set up stage equipment like podiums and projector screens and laser pointers. And sometimes I have to tape things down to the stage. One benefit of doing slave labor in Europe is that I sometimes get to tag along to the formal dinner. Being allowed to tag along is a major gift from my friends because they know there is a high risk of me doing something to embarrass them in front of high order people. They are indeed good friends.

Ok, sorry, but I have to back up and tell you that the reason The Spoiler is my favorite wrestler is because he has this totally deadly move called "The Sleeper" that he can put on you and 10 seconds later, you are out cold, and 1 2 3, OUT! After this happens the referee usually has to argue a while with The Spoiler to get him to wake his opponent back up. He always does though, because otherwise the other guy would die and there would be lawsuits and stuff like that, and even The Spoiler can't take on an entire courtroom of bailiffs with weapons.

So on the night that we were allowed to dine in the Prague Castle, Wendy made the crucial mistake of letting Dwight and I sit together. Well, before you know it, we are full of Czech beer and discussing that instead of the nights entertainment being "A collection of rare violin pieces performed on famous Czech violins", we would rather have a showing of "Rocky V". Fortunately for the audience, the food came and we lost interest in manipulating the entertainment schedule. Dinner was served to a few hundred lucky people in the castle by an army of waitstaff. I have no idea what I ate but it was the finest arrangement of pie dough, vegetables and sauce I have ever tasted. I went and personally thanked the chef for this incredible meal.

So what is the real "value" of a meal? Can it be measured in currency? My mom says that anything tastes good if it has enough fat, salt, and garlic in it. Hard to argue with that. Many fast food joints are now really pouring on the bacon in their burgers for one reason; when you walk in you smell bacon frying and that is pretty much like the most evil thing there is. Nobody can turn down bacon.

And I final note that Robert just reminded me of. He used to take me, Randall, and the rest of us to wrestling every Saturday night in his Ford cargo van. It had no seats in the back so we rode in aluminum lawn chairs, the old kind with the webbing. If he stopped to fast we all slid toward the front. Those were the good old days before minivans came along with their 5 point hookup harness in every possible location that could be sat in. I'll bet there are twenty harnesses in every stupid minivan.

Oh, and I forgot about the other main move of The Spoiler; the "Claw". Few men live to tell the tale of this most vicious weapon.

extreme eating Update:  I just remembered that one time our neighbor's dog Lady, a huge black lab, ate TEN sandwiches.  Matt got home from fishing and had all these sandwiches left over so he started throwing them to Lady one at a time.  Lady was so big we called her the "kodiak bear"