Thursday, January 14, 2010

Cruel People

In 7th grade our teacher Mr. Steward, a short gay man, wielded a rather substantial board and would use it with great zest. After the first lick, you would gray out from the pain. The 2nd caused immediate crying and whimpering. The third did you in. It was a half an hour before you could get in good enough shape to return to class.
But this was not this man's most cruel act.
One day my friend Richard threw a paper ball at the trash can and missed. Mr. Stewart put the paper ball on the floor in the front of the room and made Richard get down on his knees and push it with his nose to the trash can. Richard was humiliated, begin sobbing and had to leave the room
Mr. Stewart, I sincerely hope you burn in hell. You bastard piece of worthless shit.

A long time ago I went with some friends to eat at this famous steak house west of Ft. Worth, "Cattle Barons". Boy did people get moist over that place, so we had to go. It was a big joint that smelled pretty good and looked fun. The four of us sat down and i noticed that there was a huge party of probably 100 people across the room at this infinitely long table. They had a few waiters and were just taking their order. A couple of minutes later our waiter took our order and we started our evening as usual. After about 30 minutes we asked the waiter where our food was, and he said he would check, blah blah. Forty five minutes now, still nothing. I noticed that steaks were being delivered to the small city of people on the other side of the room. 15 minutes later our steaks came. We ate and on the way out, I told the manager that I did not understand how we had to wait while they prepared a meal for 100 people. She said with this little smirk on her face "we serve people in the order that they are seated". The look on her face was like "we are famous and rich and i don't give rat shit about your little problem". I told her we would never be back and she just gave me this little smile and walked away. She was this short little old ugly lady with a crappy typical ft worth puffed up hairdoo.
I wish i could go back in time and take a piss on her, or better yet, burn that place down to the ground.

This one is really nauseating:
I was riding in a car with several people including Roxanne, a girl that was part of our team at a jobsite in Geneva. I was talking about the fact that as a programmer, my work was necessary, but not really important like a fireman or doctor. She looked at me said "oh phillip, you are just having a little mid-life crisis, try to relax". Amazing. i guess she holds no respect for firemen and doctors. What a witch she was.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The brilliance of StarBucks

Here is a conversation between me and one those mindless slopeheads that work behind the counter at Starbucks.

(by the way, I tried to put a tab or spaces in front of the clerks responses to better separate and make this easier to read, but Google Blog does not recognize spaces in front of text. I guess the moron programmers at Google missed the memo)


Me - Hi, I’d like a small coffee
“Ok, one tall coming up”
No, I said a small
“A tall is a small.”
Then what is a medium?
“Grande”
Grande means “huge”.
“Well, it is a medium here.”
So, I fear to ask, what is a large?
“Venti”
Venti means “twenty. I don’t get it”
“Venti’s are 20 ounces.”
How many ounces are “grandes?”
"Sixteen"
So why don’t you call a medium a “sedici”?
What does sedici mean?
Sixteen
(Silence from the slopehead behind the counter)
Do you realize how idiotic this is?
"Um, I don’t know. Do you want a coffee?"
Yes, I’ll take a dodici
"What’s that?"
A small, I mean tall, which is one less than “Huge”, and two less than “twenty”